Insecurities
by stepintothefantasy
Summary: Nightmares bring about all sorts of insecurities in a man, especially if that man hasn't got one of his arms anymore. Erwin is having recurring dreams about the horrors of losing his arms to the titan, making him question his abilities as a man and a commander. One-shot.


**A small little one-shot for anyone who wants to read about Erwin being not Erwin (yes it may be a little bit OOC, I apologise in advance)**

* * *

**Insecurities**

His toned, muscular arm wrapped around her bare chest, blanketing her nudity with warmth and protection. Soft lips met the long expanse of her delicate neck, allowing trails of kisses to fly down from behind her ear to her shoulder blades. Light giggles escape her mouth as she holds onto her protector's wrapped around arm.

One of her hands finds its way tangled in his bright blonde hair as he carries on his ministrations, tousling the luxuriously soft strands. He gives an appreciative groan letting her know he approves before he turns her around in their enormous bed that goes on for miles.

His eyes dart to the quickly growing red stains on his brilliant white sheets, alerting him that something is wrong. He frantically looks around everywhere trying to find the source of the stain - a dark glistening pool of deep maroon now, covering his entire bed. His lover looks at him, confused in all her bareness, clearly oblivious to the blood that was now staining her legs.

She didn't look to be in any pain, so if it wasn't her it had to be him. In his anxiously gasping breath he looked down at his body.

Blood has pouring out of his right arm, or what would have been a right arm. Where his limb had supposed to be, was now a short stub that leaked crimson fluid all over his body and sheets. An excruciating pain suddenly thwacked his entire being only to be let out as a howling scream of agony.

The pain was unbearable with his face contorting in anguish, but nothing seemed to alarm the girl sitting quietly in front of him drenched head to toe in his blood.

"What's wrong?" she asked in an all too calm and monotonous voice.

He couldn't answer her; his voice had given up on him and was replaced only with cries and curses.

All of a sudden he found himself overpowered and pinned face-down to the bed, unable to move even the slightest bit as darkness crept in all around him. Something was tightening around his body, like he was being suffocated or torn apart in half. Breathing wasn't feasible anymore; his life was slowly being choked out of him one raspy breath at a time.

Just when he thought it was all over, a group of soldiers appeared before him, proudly wearing their respective military uniforms. A relieved sigh escaped him when he felt the release of his body and salvage in the form of his fellow comrades. But it was all too soon for him as the soldiers looked down on his bloodied and deformed body, only to laugh at him. Loud cackles and snickers inched closer to his ears followed by whispers and insults.

_"Look at you now!"_

_"How pathetic of you, down on your knees like a common beggar."_

_"You call yourself a man?"_

He tightly shut his eyes to block out their torments and disdainful glares.

"You only have three limbs, maybe we should even that out," one of the men taunted.

Before he could protest all the men had surrounded him, two to each limb. He didn't know when but at some point his bed had turned into a table with both his arm and legs spread out and securely tied to each of its corners.

Masked men were now inching a blade closer to both of his knees and elbow, the same blades used to kill titans were now going to dismember him. He winced in pain when the sharp sting of the knife cut through the skin of his knee. His violently convulsing body let out a deafening cry when the crunch of his bone snapping was heard.

A nostalgic sound and feeling he seemed too familiar with.

"ARRRGHHHH!" He groaned at the top of his lungs as another blade sliced into him.

* * *

The tall blonde jerked himself awake, his entire body feverishly trembling. Letting out quick shallow breathes, he tried to calm himself. That was the fifth time this week he had had that dream. The affects it had on him still as fresh as the moment that titan severed off his arm.

But it wasn't like he was helpless now. It was just an arm after all; thousands of soldiers gave more than that. If anything he deserved to have more taken from him for having caused those thousands misery in the first place. It was just that he felt emasculated; he didn't have the same power anymore. No longer could he use his 3D manoeuvre gear or wrap his arms around the woman he loved.

What good was he now?

He didn't deserve to be a Commander anymore. What madman would take orders from a soldier incapable of fighting? He, the mass murderer, sending out hundreds of hopeful soldiers to their certain deaths, didn't deserve to live with only minimal damage while the truly worthy turned to piles of burnt ash before his eyes.

His loud defeated groan awoke the woman sleeping next to him.

"Erwin, what's wrong?" she said, tiredly sitting up to face the Commander.

"Erm, it's nothing. I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep," he told her as he rested his forehead on his knuckle.

She could evidently see that he was troubled from his trembling body and pale face. The fact that he was staring at the remainder of his right arm from the corners of those crystal blue orbs, immediately confirmed her suspicions – it was that nightmare he always had, but refused to talk about.

She moved closer to him to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders.

"Erwin, I'm sorry," she started, in her soothing calm voice.

"I'm sorry for everything. You've gone through all sorts of hell to get to where you are. I'm sorry. And now you have to suffer, living with one arm. I'm sorry about that too."

"But look at me," she gently ordered the tall man.

He turned his saddened face to her only for it to be firmly held in between her hands.

"You are a strong man. You don't need my or anyone else's sympathies. I don't love you any less and your soldiers don't respect you any less than they did before. If anything we look up to you now more than ever. My brave soldier, you are no less of man, as a husband or as a leader because of one arm."

She leant her head on his shoulder, wrapping her hands around his bulging bicep.

"Please. Don't beat yourself up over this."

Erwin looked down at her much smaller stature and kissed the top of her head.

"It'll take an arm and a leg to defeat those titans, but when you do it'll be worth it," she smiled up at him, kissing his bare shoulder before lying back down on the bed.

"That was just terrible," he smiled back, as he followed her down.

"I know. Why did I even try to make a joke about it?"

The sound of her giggles lulled him to sleep.

Perhaps the rest of the week will fare better, with his dreams void of titans crushing him to pieces or blood drowning him and his pregnant wife.


End file.
